Humor, Life


I’m really getting into my blogging grind. Who knew that complaining on the Internet could be so cathartic/monetarily beneficial/someone sponsor me please so I don’t have to finish my degree/relaxing?

I’m currently sitting in a Panera Bread, wearing glasses and all-black, writing this blog post because I was thinking, “How can I be more stereotypically a college kid?” I’m also drinking hibiscus iced tea and it tastes an awful lot like Play-Doh. I’m also staring at a guy who is on a very long business call, and it’s sort of fascinating. There is also a very attractive frat guy sitting a few tables away from me. Such a cross-section of the human race in this Panera Bread.

I finished writing my paper at 12:30 am, and was so completely jazzed about being done before 2:30 am for the first time in four days, that I promptly treated myself to staying up until 1:30 am watching YouTube videos. And then got up at 8 o’clock to go to the gym. So going to bed late might not have been the smartest way to celebrate not going to bed super late.

I woke up and went to class, but had to leave my last class 30 minutes early. It’s a boring class, but I always go so this was the first time I was going to be doing something even remotely close to skipping. And it’s only 30 minutes early, which is more like 20 minutes because we end at 3:20 instead of 3:30. I had to leave early because I had to go and meet my advisor to get his signature on my study abroad application. After that (!!!) I walked over to the far part of campus and handed it in. And Panera is right next to the study abroad offices.

But as I’m packing up to quietly slip out of the 300-person class lecture through the exit that is located AT THE FRONT OF CLASS, my professor walks up the stairs right to where I’m sitting. Like literally so close that he can look at my laptop. But I had minimized all of the BuzzFeed articles I was looking at, so I ~technically~ had nothing to hide. But I didn’t want to have to scoot around him, because he is the kind of professor who would definitely try to strike up a conversation as I’m leaving.

So I waited until he was down on the floor on the lecture hall again, and quietly stand up. As I’m walking down the stairs, he goes (AND I CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP):

“Folks, this is going to be interesting. You’ll want to hear this.”

The class erupts into laughter as I walk down the stairs. He swivels and stares at me and I am just staring back like a deer in headlights but I don’t stop walking. I think I mouthed “I’m sorry” or “Oops” or something like that, but I just kept walking and I was thinking, “Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit,” the entire time.

After handing in my papers, bring me one step closer to study abroad—I’m going to the bowels of Hell, if you were wondering. I know, I know, it’s dumb to do your study abroad in your hometown, but what can I say? I love the heat—I decided to celebrate, so obviously I went to Panera Bread. I got my favorite—tomato soup and tuna salad sandwich.

Cashier: Do you want to add a pastry for ninety-nine cen—

Me: (perhaps too forcefully) Yes.

I got the hibiscus tea because I try not to drink soda, and even though I gave up iced tea for Lent, it was hibiscus and I felt like that barely counts. It’s basically like plants in water, and that just sounds like I’m drinking a botanical garden. Which is VERY healthy to do.

I’m still feeling down from yesterday’s shitshow. But I finished both of my papers—now I just need to edit them into something gradable—and I’m almost done with my study abroad application. And I’m going home tomorrow! Spring break, hell yeah! Although I just found out that it’s snowing back home, so Lorde—yes, I meant Lorde, that was not a misspelling—knows how it will actually be a “spring break” but I guess I can deal with it.

Should I do laundry before I go home? I feel weird leaving lots of dirty clothes in my hamper for a week. Is that weird that I’m so attached to my clothes? Okay, if I’m being honest, I wore a shirt over the week that is really soft and I want it to lounge in. I’M HUMAN.

I’ve started putting all of my files into folders on my laptop, and there is something very satisfying about organization like that. Plus, it is super cool to plunk a document from your desktop into a folder, and have it be tucked up like a little digital pig in a cyber blanket.

How is it that I can write over 800 words for my blog in, like, twenty minutes, but it took me TWO HOURS to write 200 words for my paper? Update on Gawain: I basically tore him to shreds. But in a classy and refined way—which essentially means that I refrained from using curse words in a college-level British Literature paper. I am an adult!

I’m trying to think of things of substance to say, but I’ve really got nothing. And since yesterday was so heavy, maybe that’s a good thing? Like, you don’t just eat chocolate mousse for every meal. Sometimes you have to have the consommé. And I guess in the metaphor I just made, this blog is the consommé? God. Oceans yesterday and broths today. I’m really on a roll. A bread roll. Another part of a well-balanced meal!

Side bar: Taylor Swift’s “Wonderland” is incredible! I’m a sucker for any Alice in Wonderland imagery. Is that super lame? Whatever, I don’t care. It rocks, and so does Alice in Wonderland. Not in a creepy way though. In a cool, sophisticated way. Like in a neo-industrial-steampunk-Chesire cat on acid-way. Like, you know, the usual. What even is this blog post? How can there be any expectations, ever?


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