Sometimes when you’re writing blog posts, it can get a little tiring. And also, there’s only so much I can write about myself before I start to hate myself. So I’m changing the tempo, switching the beat, and doing a different kind of blog.
I’ve teamed up with one of my best friends to bring you the definitive ranking of Taylor Swift’s music videos. Acting as a guest editor, the lovely Shelby will be helping me to decide what’s hot and what’s not in the Taylor-verse.
Side bar, this is not a little of every Taylor Music video because I’m only one fucking person, you guys. I can’t do everything.
LET’S TAKE IT FROM THE TOP!
1). Shake It Off
- Shelby: I remember where I was when this single dropped.
- Danny: The perfect “Fuck You” without being a “fuck you.” The beginning of a new era of pop.
2). Teardrops On My Guitar
- Danny: This will forever be one of the greatest songs of my childhood. But Drew is not
- Shelby: Why is she lying in a bed with rhinestones on her face?
3). Blank Space
- Danny: A+ story. A+ visuals. And a little voodoo realness for your pleasure.
- Shelby: I am distracted by the cat.
4). Picture To Burn
- Shelby: Remember when that “I’ll tell mine you’re gay” line was controversial.
- Danny: Omg yeah. Also this is giving me Carrie Underwood “Before He Cheats” realness.
5). Bad Blood
- Danny: I’m only mad because this is not a full-length film. Although when they all clumped together at the VMAs, I was rolling my eyes a little.
- Shelby: Too many ppl.
6). The Story of Us
- Danny: I feel like I can see a glimmer of future feminist Taylor in this and I love it.
- Shelby: Excellent use of a library.
7). Begin Again
- Danny: I LOVE THIS. HER LIPS. HER HAIR. PARIS.
- Shelby: The story and the plot aren’t matching up. But I like the color palette.
8). Love Story
- Danny: I don’t hate this. Why don’t I hate this?
- Shelby: Wait this boy is Miley’s ex? The underwear model?
- Shelby: They ran too hard with the vaudeville theme.
- Danny: I hate this but it’s like “a good message” for the “youth” so I like it.
10). Back To December
- Danny: Beautifully shot. Love the scarves. Scarfs? Scarves?
- Shelby: But what REALLY happened between Taylor and Taylor?
11). You Belong With Me
- Danny: I don’t even notice how cheesy this is. I’m lost in Lucas Till’s dimple. Don’t send help.
- Shelby: Lucas Till = 2010 #baegoals. Fun fact: That shirt was really Taylor’s and so were the glasses. Those dance moves were also really Taylor’s.
12). We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together
- Danny: I like the song, I just wish she would chill a little bit.
- Shelby: The whole band wishes they weren’t there.
- Shelby: This looks stupid. We get it Taylor, you’re quirky and you bake a lot. Your whole life is an Instagram photo op. We get it.
- Danny: The “vintage” photo border is very Microsoft Word 2007.
14). Our Song
- Danny: Why is she writing on the mirror? She’s just gonna have to Windex that later.
- Shelby: This rose bed looks like a Faith Hill video.
15). Everything Has Changed
- Danny: I hate it when they use kid actors to represent the singers? Idk why. I hate kids. I guess that’s why.
- Shelby: What the fuck kind of class are they making cookies in?
16). White Horse
- Danny: I hate close-ups of mouths. It’s disgusting.
- Shelby: WAIT THIS IS CLEARLY JOE JONAS BC HE BROKE UP WITH HER ON THE PHONE.
- Danny: She looks very “hottest girl in your Bible study class” here.
- Shelby: It’s literally just spliced footage of one performance.
- Shelby: This looks like someone discovered iMovie and was like, “ALL the effects!”
- Danny: It looks like she’s in a bad teen movie’s idea of heaven.
- Danny: Too “artsy.” This song by itself is okay, but I just can’t with the video.
- Shelby: 9-1-1! Taylor is touching chests and she’s only wearing a nightgown. That’s only 1 LAYER OF CLOTHING between them.
20). Wildest Dreams
- Danny: Scott Eastwood is the only reason this video is not last place. Too problematic, and that wig is unforgivable. But I like her as a brunette.
- Shelby: Ooooh my God. I’m moist.
21). I Knew You Were Trouble
- Danny: What the fuck is the storyline? You might need rehab.
- Shelby: The only good part of this video is that it led to the goat meme.
Truly this is a list for the ages. I actually really enjoyed doing this. Special thanks to Shelby and her roommate Melanie for helping me out with this post! You ladies really murdered my vagina—in a good way! Thanks!