Today I wore very “Free-wheeling Metrosexual in the Hamptons/Yacht-faring Heterosexual in Miami” pants to Easter mass. They’re from J.Crew and they’re different than what I would usually wear, so I was a little wary of wearing them. Luckily, my family only made two passive-aggressive comments, so that’s a relative win.
I’ve really been lax about my blog lately, and I think that it’s a mixture of not sure how much of my personal life to divulge and also just a general exhaustion. But not writing makes me all angsty and antsy, so I’m going to make a commitment to you, the reader, and you, the blog, to really write. Like really, truly give it my all.
So let’s do some “Things That Are Happening Right Now”!
Things That Are Happening Right Now
1). My friend retweeted an article from Total Frat Move, so I clicked on it, read it, threw up, and then started looking through the website. They have this ongoing series called “Babe of the Week” where it’s just blonde girls who submit their Instagrams of them doing their best, “Trust Fund Baby-I’m A Mouse Duh” impressions. And the guy who writes the articles is this total douchey bro and I’m obsessed with him. I have a fascination with Greek life in the same way as I have a fascination with rom-coms as a sub-genre of science fiction—they exist in a parallel universe to mine.
2). My family is redoing our kitchen and I’ve been watching a lot of “flipping house” shows. The two combined have made me feel like I’m a relative expert on terms such as “subway tile” and “cabinets going all the way up to the ceiling” (to draw the eye upwards and make the ceilings appear taller). Also, I don’t fully understand Love It Or List It. Who fronts the money for the renovations on the “Love It” side? Does the show take care of selling the house if the couple decides to “List It”?
3). I love how much Trump threatens and blusters if he doesn’t get the Republican nomination. He’s literally a villain at the end of a Scooby Doo episode after those pesky teens have pulled off his mask. He’s doing the media-equivalent to shaking his fist as the police drag him away, as he says, “I would’ve gotten away with it too!” He says that if he doesn’t receive the nomination and the Republicans go to a contested convention—where if Trump doesn’t get enough delegates to automatically receive the nomination, the Republicans will engage in super-delegate vote trading and re-votes until a nominee wins—riots will break out. I kinda hope that happens. Not in a “Some men just want to see the world burn” way, but in a “Bored on a Tuesday night” way.
4). Former House Speaker John Boehner would support current Speaker Paul Ryan as the Republican nominee. My only comment is that Paul Ryan is hot, and it would be a very “Fitz from Scandal IRL” moment if he became President.
5). One of the most meta moments in my recent life was when Kylie Jenner used one of the new Snapchat filters, one that gives you a crazy-clown plastic surgery smile, and just went, “Did they base this off me?” And my entire world just reverberated.
6). Is a spring fling an actual thing? Because I was walking back from the gym on the first warm day of the season, and literally everywhere I saw people holding hands. And maybe my college is particularly bad at dating, but I ~never~ see people in relationships in the winter. All of sudden, though, I see either uncomfortably close friends or mediumly close relationships, and I’m like, “Who are these people?” I don’t get it.
Omg, so I’m done. I just ate Easter dinner, and now I’m watching Long Island Medium so I’m obviously done writing this blog post. It’s so bad that I can’t look away, so I need to focus on that rather than this. But side bar, I see Easter as the gateway to spring, so now—for me—spring has officially sprung. Yass yas.