Written after a weird, resent-y day. I hope this seethes with resentment, especially towards YOU DEBORAH. GIVE ME BACK MY TUPPERWARE.
Is anything more stressful than staring into the void of Netflix after finishing a binge and not knowing what to start next?
Whenever people say stuff like that—rhetorical questions—I always answer with stuff like “Famine” because I’m terrible. But seriously you guys, there is actually nothing worse than not knowing what to watch. This is tough stuff, you guys. You guys.
Remember when I said that I was going to stop writing about myself and focus on topics outside my person? That’s really hard when your life is as deep and multifaceted as mine. Also I would have to “look stuff up” if I wrote about not-me, and you guys the keys are really hard to push on my laptop and it’s just not in my five-year-plan to have bodybuilder fingers from pushing sticky keys. You guys.
I have nothing to say/everything to say but I’m not allowed, so instead of not posting on Thursday, thus marking the first Thursday in a WEEK that I haven’t missed—I’m on a roll, people—I think I’ll just burn off some resentment calories by listing things that make me annoyed that I’m not able to actually change. This was written I guess when I hadn’t posted in a while, but the similarities to my life rn are SHOCKINGLY WEIRD. Astral coincidence or I’m just stuck in a rut on Thursdays…
1). Group chats where I can’t turn on the “Do Not Disturb” button because sometimes they have important info/compliment me.
2). Having a corn kernel stuck in your back molar JUST after you clipped your nails. OMG I JUST FUCKING CLIPPED MY NAILS. I’M TOTALLY IN A RUT.
3). When your thighs chafe but you’re not being more active than usual, so you have to deduce that you’re just getting fatter. STILL FAT.
4). Compliment jacking off contests: This is a gross way to describe it, but the only other way is “the black hole where you just keep shoving compliments at each other in the vain hope that one of you will just give up and die, and thus end the cycle.”
5). When you keep accidentally writing “irrigating” instead of “irritating.” One is a valuable farming technique and one is a nuisance. I mean, technically they’re both nuisances, amiright ladies? My farming material never lands.
I can’t think of any more, so I’ll cease and desist.
OMG YOU GUYS. THIS ABOVE STUFF WAS PRE-WRITTEN BUT THIS (AUGUST 11TH) STUFF IS BEING WRITTEN RN!!! I JUST WROTE THE OPENING OF ANOTHER SHITTY BLOG POST AND THEN I THOUGHT I WOULDN’T POST BUT I REMEMBERED THIS SHITTY BLOG POST AND NOW I HAVE CONTENT TO POST!
Oh, should I have written about Kylie Jenner turning 19? I’ll pass. Even though I love you Kylie!!!!!