Sometimes not every post gets to live a full, fleshed-out existence. This is one of them. These are their stories, *Law and Order SUV dun-dun*.
The other day I was getting a yogurt and I suddenly thought of Go-gurt and why on Earth would anyone ever think of it as an idea?
Like, it’s amazing and I cherish all of my memories involving Go-gurt but I wonder who was the first person to pitch “portable dairy products” and how was it received? And oh my god, I just reread “portable dairy products” and realized that there are so many portable dairy products. Cheese sticks. Go-gurt. Mini Babybels. Tiny coffee creamers. Why is the ~government~ so eager to make sure that we can have dairy on the go?
OH MY GOD ICE CREAM CONES ARE PORTABLE DAIRY PRODUCTS. There is literally no escape.
I just did some research on Go-Gurt, a.k.a. portable Antichrist yogurt, and apparently it’s known as “Yoplait tubes” in Canada and “Frubes” in the United Kingdom. Go-gurt is a clever name, the other two are not. Yoplait tubes is a little too on the nose. And I can’t even begin to deal with Frubes.
I don’t really have a broader point with this blog post, I just have the question: “Why Go-gurt?” Why was yogurt something that people decided that we needed to have on the go?
I tried to think of other foods that I would want to be portable-ized, but most of the things I love are already portable. Pizza becomes Totino’s—also, like pizza—I’m sure that there are some sort of waffle sticks on the market, and pudding comes in cups now. So this might be the pinnacle of humanity. It wasn’t the Space Race. It’s Go-gurt.
Oh my god, I just Googled “Who invented Go-gurt?” and found a Go-gurt hate forum. It’s literally just these endless messages of “Oh look at me, I’m yogurt in a tube!” Like, I thought I was weird for just thinking ambivalently about portable yogurt, but I guess it’s weirder to be thinking malevolently about portable yogurt? Is that the line?
I’m not gonna post the link to the Go-gurt hate forum, because they don’t deserve my promo, but if you’re really curious, you’ll find it. And you’ll definitely know it when you see it.
I hope you enjoyed this little bonus post!