REVIEW of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE S9E9, “Your Pilot’s On Fire”

The game has officially changed.

Grade: A++

This is the kind of moment that we live for as viewers of RuPaul’s Drag Race. This is Tatianna getting eliminated when it should’ve been Roxxxy. This is Sharon and Phi Phi screaming at each other. This was RuPaul revealing that the All Stars would be eliminating each other. This is truly, jaw-droppingly gag-worthy. This is RuPaul’s Drag Race.

We seem to be miles past last week’s elimination of Farrah Moan because the remaining seven queens—Sasha, Shea, Trinity, Valentina, Nina, Alexis and Peppermint—are all viable contenders for the final three. All have won challenges; and ~almost~ all have had missteps. At this point, it’s down to a random stumbling block that’ll knock a bitch out of her momentum.

Source: Logo TV

This week’s challenge is to pair up and create, write and produce television sitcoms. Acting challenges have been a recurring thing this season—the musical, 9021-Ho, the roast—but this strikes less at the queen’s acting chops and more at their overall creativity and scrappiness.

Shea and Sasha pair up for “Teets and Asky”, an ‘80s buddy-comedy about two lady-cops. Shea is serving a very Rosie Carver/What Honey Mahogany Wishes She Looked Like look and Sasha is pulling out her Russian roots for the accompanying Bond Villain to Shea’s Bond Girl. Like SNL’s “Dyke and Fats,” this pilot totally works. They were definitely the most prepared.

Source: Logo TV

Nina and Valentina are “Nina and Tina,” two cross-dressing prostitutes who land in jail and use drag to get back on their feet (?). I don’t know why I’m expected to know the plot when Valentina and Nina didn’t know the plot. In the immortal words of Sasha Belle, “I didn’t understand the assignment.” V and Nina were relying on their charisma to pull it off, and only planned on ad-libbing. When has that ever gone well?

Trinity, Peppermint and Alexis Michelle were the trio that produced, “Mary, Mother of Gays” about two well-to-do church ladies whose sons come out as gay, and the stern nun who attemps to fix the (anal) fissures. Points for creativity and production, but largely lackluster performances in a thin plot.

The runway is Club Kid Couture, which also serves as our History Lesson/Mirror Talk. Club kids (your Vivacious from Season 6) weren’t attempting to impersonate women as much as they were trying to engage in a dialogue about what art is.

RUNWAYS

Sasha: Sad Sexy Clown. Ironically enough, moments before Nina hit the stage and declared she was the first queen to walk backwards on the runway, Sasha did it. Eeks. A great look but, honestly, I was expecting more from Sasha. For our resident art queen, I thought she would take this opportunity and run with it.

Source: Logo TV

Shea: Literally hot-glued shit to a mask while it was on her face, so I can only applaud.

Trinity: Trix are for (Club) kids, and Trinity looked like that Trix Rabbit fucked the Froot Loops toucan. Not the most Club-Kiddy look (not that I’m an expert) but my personal favorite because it was so out of the box. Trinity is restoring the name, and the astigmatism, of pageant queens everywhere with her versatility.

Nina: The epicness of her face makeup was undercut by everything else. If she didn’t have the chance to paint on a massive rib network, I would’ve rather she left it blank.

Peppermint: The most thought-out and conceptual of all the looks. Total artistry.

Alexis: I fucking hate this. I hate the make-up, the weird tumor-like hair lump, the tumescent green contacts. Hate.

Valentina: Michelle said this was too high-fashion (which it is) but there was something about her wet, long lashes flipping over her bedazzled mouth mask that gave me creepy jungle-insect.

Source: Logo TV

Sasha and Shea win the challenge, and Trinity and Peppermint are declared safe (but not until after Alexis tries to throw her teammates under the bus. Even if she was right about the level of effort she put into the production—which she wasn’t—impacting her performance, being a traitor does nothing for your image. I hope Alexis stays a little longer for the drama but she’s not doing herself any favors). Alexis, Nina and Valentina are in the bottom three, with Alexis eventually being declared safe.

Source: Logo TV

Right to this moment, I felt that it was completely undeserved that Alexis would be safe—as Valentina has consistently outperformed both Alexis and Nina—but a small part of me relished the opportunity, basically handed to her, for Valentina to prove that she had the fire to stay in the competition. She started out strong but quickly moved to the middle-of-the-pack, and I really thought that Ru was giving her a chance to scorch the earth.

That’s not what happened.

Ariana Grande’s “Greedy” begins playing and Nina starts lip-syncing. Valentina keeps her mask on and the judges begin whispering amongst themselves. It’s a lip-sync, so seeing one’s lips is kind of the whole point. Eventually RuPaul stops the lip-sync and scolds Valentina for not taking off the mask.

Source: Logo TV

“Take off the mask,” she says and Valentina meekly refuses. Ru literally cracks and says it again. With her hooked nails, Valentina drags off the mask to reveal an uncontoured nose and a sloppy red lip. She had the mask on, it becomes clear as the music starts again, because she did not know the words.

And this is where Aja’s “Linda Evangelista” rant comes into a ring of truth. Aja was trying to tell us that Valentina was coasting on good looks, good outfits and charisma. We were too blinded by Valentina’s dazzling smile to believe it. But for someone to go out there, knowing that there is a good chance she’s in the bottom three, without having memorized the words is unforgivable. Valentina fell to the middle of the pack because beneath the glamour and glitz, she’s still unpolished. She is still a baby drag queen.

So I was mad as Valentina essentially threw away the chance Ru had given her to impress Ru and keep her spot. She didn’t know the words. She hadn’t prepared for the main challenge. She was expecting to get by. And in the final seven, you don’t get to just “get by.”

So Nina stays and Ru looks at Valentina. “I thought you had the stuff to go all the way. Now sashay away.” We all had Valentina as an easy pick for the top three, so it’s disappointing to see her go. But I can’t help but feel frustrated that she wasn’t more prepared. See you on All Stars 3, Valentina.

The game has been changed, irreparably, for the rest of the season. One of the strongest players has been unceremoniously eliminated, and that kind of shock reverberates and shakes up power dynamics. With one of the top three spots suddenly open, who will rise to the occasion, and who will crumble?

The game has changed, and I can’t wait to see how it plays out.

LGBTQ, Review, television

REVIEW of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE S9E6, “Snatch Game”

Your Edges Are Officially Snatched (Game)

Grade: A

Source: LogoTV

If you’re not watching Untucked on YouTube, then I don’t know what you’re doing. Because for some reason, the charisma and funniness of these queens aren’t translating in the editing of the main show in the same way that they do on Untucked. On Untucked, they’re being shady and fierce and kind, sometimes in the same breath, whereas on Drag Race, they feel a little watered down. Part of that is that Untucked encompasses probably an hour or two, whereas Drag Race has to squeeze several days into forty minutes.

And I truly believe that if I wasn’t watching Untucked, I would be 2.5x more bored with this season. Especially with the departure of Eureka, there aren’t any HUGE laughs or rivalries—there’s no Sharon versus Phi Phi, or Bianca, or Alyssa Edwards—but that’s part of the point of each new season. It’s a round of new girls, and a new flavor. So while we don’t have any of those queens, we have our Eurekas, our Sheas, our Trinitys.

Snatch Game, the gay drag version of Match Game, is historically a “sink or swim” moment for the queens. Being able to come up with jokes whilst staying in character (chaRUcter) as someone else is not something that every queen excels at, and rightly so. Snatch Game serves as the turning point of Drag Race by trimming the fat of filler-type queens. Usually Snatch Game is your time to A) solidify your place as a frontRUnner, B) be your burning effigy, or C) differentiate yourself as a contender if you’ve previously been floating. But in this case, I felt like it didn’t have any of the latter, and served mainly as reinforcement (RUinforcement) for my previous assumptions. Case in point, halfway through the episode I literally forgot that Aja was competing.

In Snatch Game:

Aja as Alyssa Edwards: I don’t know why you would use a queen whom another queen had done two seasons previously, and done much better. The camera hardly cut to her.
Alexis Michelle as Liza Minelli: Liza is such a crazy character, but Alexis sought to emulate her kindly rather than maliciously. Paid off handsomely.

Source: LogoTV

Farrah Moan as Gigi Gorgeous: The look was there 100 percent. But Gigi is such a subtle, understated kind of humor, and not immediately recognizable, that the entire thing fell flat. Her runway definitely saved her from lip-syncing.
Nina Bo’nina Brown as Jasmine Masters: Funny but I thought there would be more. The camera didn’t cut to her, she never said, “I’m H-E-R-E!” or “No tea no shade, no pink lemonade” or “Panties, bitch”. And those are just the catchphrases I can think of off the top of my head. NO “RUPAUL HAD DONE FUCKED UP DRAG!”
Peppermint as Nene Leakes: Nene Leakes is, no exaggeration, probably the funniest Housewife in the franchise, so I had no sympathy when the only catchphrase that Pep had was “Boop”. Where was the “Bye wig” or her fantastically elastic face, or anything!!
Sasha Velour as Marlene Dietrich: The only time that Ru has ever asked what a queen’s backup option was, heard the backup and said, “Um, yeah stick to your first choice.” The look was right, and the humor was subtle, but great. Reminded me in a way of Katya’s Suze Orman, weirdly enough.
Shea Coulee as Naomi Campbell: The look was t-h-e-r-e but I wish they had given her even more screentime.

Source: LogoTV

Trinity Taylor as Amanda Lepore: Didn’t get a ton of speaking time, but the look was so accurate I was aroused and afraid. Aka it was perfect.
Valentina as Miss Colombia: Such a deep cut, but perfectly suited for Valentina’s manic energy. You kind of get the sense that if V doesn’t win, she might pull a Miss Colombia.
Cynthia Lee Fontaine as Sofia Vergara: Part of the problem is that Cynthia can’t impersonate anybody. That’s kind of the point. But the other part of the problem is that Sofia Vergara is so close to who Cynthia actually is that there was nothing she could’ve ever done to make it work.

I think it’s kind of dumb to be mad at someone for accidentally copying another person’s look when you’re dealing with such a narrow scope—like Madonna—but after Kimonogate, you have to wonder why no one packed backups. It also didn’t escape me—a point confirmed in Untucked—that the better-looking individuals in each outfit double were declared safe. Shea and Trinity were Kardashians 2017 to Peppermint and Nina’s Kardashians 2007. Too mean. I’m sorry; that was a low blow. But re Trinity for a moment: I had my solid top 3 as Sasha, Shea and Valentina, (especially now that Eureka’s gone) but Trinity is really making me reconsider. Every episode, she makes me like her more and more, and now I’m conflicted!!

Source: LogoTV

In the end, Alexis wins the challenge—thank god, or she might’ve murdered her competitors—but I can’t shake her attitude from last week’s Untucked where she blamed the other girls for her losing out on winning. This is a competition, sweaty pie. But her Liza was great and her Madonna look was stunning, so it’s a well-deserved win. I thought they would have crowned Sasha as this week’s winner too, but while her runway was GORGEOUS, her Marlene wasn’t funny enough (a shade too droll) to really compete with Alexis. Whatever, she won in my heart.

And in the bottom three, it’s Peppermint, Cynthia and Farrah. Farrah is declared safe and it’s Pep versus the Cucu. By this point, it’s clear that Cynthia is going home. It’s her second week doing the lip-sync, and several weeks in the bottom. But with the loss of Eureka burning in my brain, it’s still hard to let go of the Cucu. Love you Cucu!

Source: LogoTV // I almost didn’t pick this because the shadows on her face; but half of that is her own contour, so whatever #shade

Beautiful as a goddess and funny as a clown!

FINAL THOTS/STRAY OBSERGAYTIONS

Did anyone notice Ru’s weird fucking laugh when she declared Nina safe? It was like she had Botoxed the living fuck out of her upper lip. I’m not mad at it.
Apparently that fugly pink skirt Pep wore last week was borrowed from Alexis. The shade.
Some tea: Mathu Andersen was Ru’s MUA and apparently he quit at the beginning of Season 9, and that’s the reason Ru’s looks have been a little more unpolished. I didn’t notice until someone else pointed it out.

Source: LogoTV

LGBTQ, Review, television

REVIEW of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE S9E4, “Good Morning, Bitches!”

Morning Wood and Morning Wooden

Grade: B+

Source: LogoTV// Miss Thang look like a raw egg

I think (no spoilers) the final lip-sync really soured me from what, before then, had been a really enjoyable episode. It’s stunning that NINE SEASONS IN, RuPaul is still creating interesting and original challenges for her queens. But really, why am I gagging so? She brings it to me every ball.

On this episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens are tasked with manning (pardon the pun) two rival morning talk shows. Aja, who won her LSFYL against Kimora, is named captain alongside Trinity, who won last week’s challenge.

Source: LogoTV

I really had a come-to-Jesus moment about Aja this episode. Previously her “Linda Evangelista” rant to Valentina made me really hostile towards her, and up until halfway through the episode, her negative attitude towards V continued. But she did finally apologize when Valentina (nicely) confronted her about it point-blank. And this is where I think something mature and adult shifted in tone. Firstly, that Valentina wasn’t snide or rude or condescending and simply said, “You’ve made a really bad first impression with me” and asked Aja to explain. And Aja (LIKE AN ADULT) said it came from a place of jealousy and internal insecurity and that she really liked Valentina actually.

Part of the reason why this was such a shift in my own feeling towards Aja was because I am literally the same way. I internalize a lot of emotion, but then it seeps out into my attitude. I can be catty, or rude, or standoffish, or blunt or mean, but it really generally comes from a place of insecurity or jealousy. And something I’ve been trying to do is name those emotions when they come up. Like, yeah I was rude to your boyfriend but that’s because I’m jealous of the relationship that I don’t have. Just being honest goes such a long way and is such a welcome relief and alternative to keeping all that bad mojo inside.

The fact that she was able to voice that—her issue with Val had actually nothing to do with Val—was such a nice moment. And during Untucked, you saw the payoff where Valentina and Aja were sitting next to each other and chatting. Also their Naughty Nighties looks were my absolute favorites.

On the other hand, Eureka (who is clearly as insecure as Aja was, or at least having a very bad day) did the opposite. Instead of naming her emotions, she lashed out at Trinity in the group meetings, was rude to Valentina when Valentina tried to share with the girls a personal story, and threw Trinity under the bus on the main stage. I think she was a little unfair to Trinity (who I am really enjoying and really loving); being team leader means making tough choices and Trinity at least had the spine to own up to any bad mistakes she had made.

I really, really, really like Eureka. I find her compelling and hilarious, and her looks are stunning—but this was an ugly moment for her. I hope she can find a way to make things right.

Source: LogoTV

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT

Sasha and Shea win the challenge for their broccoli orgy. And in the bottom three, it’s Peppermint, Trinity and Charlie—with Charlie and Trinity lip-syncing. Trinity for being captain of a sinking ship and Charlie for being the one to rupture holes in that ship. Frustratingly, Charlie basically refuses to lip-sync and stands in one spot (she doesn’t even do the Naysha Lopez “Directing Traffic” move) while Trinity somersaults, catapults, twists and slams her body around the stage. She was werking that breast plate (Kimora take notes, that’s how you do a breast plate) and it was even more stark in comparison to Charlie.

Source: LogoTV

So obviously, the world’s oldest living twink was sent to sashay away. I’ll miss her lilting voice, her stunning looks (she was so tall and slim and column-like). I’ll be sad that she didn’t make it to Snatch Game but I’m happy with the time we had together. Charlie Hides and Go Chic, is what I’ll call her from now on.

END OF SPOILERS

Overall, even with the wonky lip-sync, this episode proved to me that even nine seasons in, Drag Race is not slowing down. It’s still turning out original challenges, providing good drama and most importantly preserving queer history. Charlie talking about the AIDS crisis was beautiful and moving and proved why this show is valuable. A lot of us were never taught queer history in school (I would say most of us). So we learn about our past from the older people in our community, and without them we would be nothing.

NEXT WEEK: “Reality Stars: The Musical”

FINAL THOTS/STRAY OBSERGAYTIONS

Source: LogoTV

I love when the challenges and the runways are in theme with each other. Morning shows and naughty nighties!
Aja’s look was one of my top two favorites of the night, along with Valentina
Valentina was giving me full-on Marlene Dietrich body and a Rita Hayworth face. She’s got such an entrancing, classic look about her; and I love when Latina queens do a really striking red wig.

Source: World of Wonder

My least favorite look was (shockingly) not Peppermint’s but actually Nina’s. I think if it had been any other runway, I would’ve enjoyed it more but it was just so far past everyone else’s that it felt bizarre to me. And there was something about the way her corset flattened the tops of her hip pads to make them very angular that was a no from me.
Thank god Kimora left already—she would’ve been awful in this challenge
Also on Watch What Happens Live: After Show, RuPaul said it takes her six hours to get into drag.

Review, television

REVIEW of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE S9E3, “Draggily Ever After”

Grade: B+

Once the first elimination happens, the lovey-dovey kaikai of the queens shatters and they realize that, hunny, this is a competition. So when the ladies filter back into the Werk Room after the elimination of Jaymes Mansfield, the tone has drastically shifted. Thank god.

This week is sans a mini-challenge because the maxi-challenge is to create a fairytale princess and a sassy sidekick character. Now, remember the Season 7 Hello Kitty challenge? The queens had to make a Hello Kitty-inspired couture look and a Hello Kitty companion. I assumed that this challenge would be the same, with the queens walking the runway twice in each look. Nope.

Instead, the queens walked the runway once in their princess looks, while a CGI version of their sassy sidekick (fake body and the queens themselves dragged up in character) floating next to them. It was, without a doubt, one of the most emotionally scarring moments for me to see Farrah’s disembodied head—painted stark-yellow as a fish—floating next to Farrah as a mermaid on the main stage. I won’t recover and I’m sending RuPaul my psychiatry bill for the session that I’ll need to deal.

With the first sewing challenge comes my favorite part of Drag Race—a queen complaining that she didn’t know she had to prepare for this. This is season 9, and we still have queens whining that they didn’t understand the challenge. I could set my watch by it. This season, it’s Kimora—she of “Only Ugly Girls Wear Sparkles” fame—and Farrah—whose highlight could be used to laser through solid steel if you paired it with a handheld mirror. The Vegas girls didn’t realize they would have to know how to sew, as Farrah whines while she hot-glues green sequined fabric onto a bra. Eureka, because she is godlike, helps out Farrah but honestly there’s only so much she could do. Lead a horse to water, and all that shit.

On the opposite side of the Werk Room, Aja has this challenge in the bag. I think it was episode one, but Aja said she was begging for a sewing challenge (or was that Jaymes?) because she would slay. Now she has it, and her fairytale princess character (a volcanic woman named Diastah) is going to slay the runway. She cackles out a laugh as she paints on her eyebrows. Now, I’m going to say this, and I know that I’m speaking as someone who has never done drag. Aja’s make-up was bad. It was, like, really bad. This has nothing to do with her skin—which other queens have apparently been shady and rude about. I don’t care about her skin. Her application of her makeup was bad. Her eyes were like Thorgy Thor did them in a k-hole, and her drawing of her lips made them look like a puckered, overwrought sneer. Her outfit, in my opinion, wasn’t even that bad—but I don’t even know because I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her makeup.

While they’re getting ready, the girls talk about the Orlando massacre at Pulse nightclub. Several of the queens are from the South—Cynthia was supposed to be performing there that night, and Trinity had performed there last week—so the shooting hit them especially hard. Topics like the Pulse massacre are difficult to talk about in reality television. There isn’t enough time, really, to give the topic its proper due, but I was glad to see that Drag Race addressed it. Other shows, like Vanderpump Rules, were filming during the event, so they obviously addressed it. but because it was Vanderpump, they made it all about how they—straight, white, cisgender people of privilege in West Hollywood—were upset by it. Which is disgusting. As Trinity said, queer people are still not accepted, despite marriage equality. And it’s something that we as a community need to keep in the back of our heads. It’s sad, but it’s true.

The queens hit the runway with guest judges Cheyenne Jackson (so hot) and Todrick Hall (so hot and talented). The top three are Valentina, Trinity and Peppermint, and the bottom three are Farrah, Kimora and Aja. Truly, when Farrah came out in her mermaid outfit, I blacked out and saw a vision of Derrick Barry in his mermaid look from last year, and I remembered how Derrick (in his “Mother” look) wore a dress that was a vague recreation of the dress that, in his words, made his father want to fuck his mother and impregnate her with Derrick. Darkdarkdark.

Honorable mentions include Shea (red hair, blue mermaid-style dress with a fabulously voluminous tulle puff on the bottom), Sasha for storytelling, Charlie for her headpiece, and Eureka for her sewer queen look. As someone said on Untucked, the “safe” queens had the most conceptual and intricate looks.

Trinity won the challenge for “going ugly”. That sounds like shade, but for a pageant queen, trying to go ugly is often what gets them eliminated. I’ll admit, I saw Trinity as a quick-elimination, but she’s really growing on me. I like her, and her silicone body a lot. Valentina is praised again for being Valentina and looking like Linda Evangelista, but as Aja said in Untucked in a jealous moment, Valentina’s look wasn’t that impressive. And it wasn’t—but it was modeled well and her sassy sidekick was fleshed out.

Farrah is safe and Aja and Kimora go head-to-head in the lip-sync. I heard from various people that Aja slays at performances, and so I was astonished when I saw it firsthand. She did massive twirls and jumped into a full-on split, spun into a death-drop, etc., etc. Aja is declared safe, and Kimora is sent home. There’s something about Kimora that’s magnetic—it might just be her sex-eyes—so I’m sad to see her go, but I don’t think she had the fire for competition. Which is fine, not everyone is cut out to go balls-to-the-wall against twelve other drag queens.

I didn’t see the promo for next week, because I missed the live screening and I had to watch on a shitty server. But I’m guessing it was mostly just Wendy Williams being…Wendy. Actually, that’s probably the silver lining of me watching it on a grainy server. I managed to avoid having to watch Ross Mathews and Wendy Williams. Thank god.

FINAL THOTS/STRAY OBSERGAYTIONS:

I still love Eureka, am loving Trinity a little more, and am enjoying (but cooling) on Valentina.
Charlie Hides—the world’s oldest living twink—makes a great elf.
I can’t believe Ru didn’t make a “fairy” joke when introducing the week’s challenge.
Nina’s outfit vaguely creeped me out and I can’t figure out why.

Next week: “Good Morning, Bitches!”

LGBTQ, Review, television

REVIEW of RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE S9E2, “She Done Already Done Brought It On”

Grade: A

WHO IS THE MYSTERY QUEEN, YOU ASK? You’d have to be…cucu not to be surprised by the return of this queen.

I’ve been making “cucu” jokes ever since I saw the back of that blue Mohawk. It’s Cynthia Lee Fontaine, the CuCu Queen!!!

The editors must’ve known that we all suspected it was Cynthia because they didn’t give a second between the “Previously On” and the RuVeal of Miss Cucu. I was watching with my friend and we looked at each other. All I could say was, “Well, that was anticlimactic.”

Source: Logo TV

After everyone goes CuCu for her Coco Puffs, the kweens end back to the Werk Room. Cynthia starts by being Cynthia. “I’m in remission and I feel healthier as ever,” she says, and “I’m not gonna take that opportunity that RuPaul has given me in granted.” Whatever, Cynthia can speak two languages and I can barely speak one, so I’m being a bitch.

Lisa Kudrow pops up in a Valerie Cherish moment. She’s the reason that RuPaul opens up every door with “Hello, hello, hello!” Also the fact that a legend like Lisa Kudrow is just used as a 30-second promo and doesn’t get a seat at the judging table means that either Logo is a dumbass or Lisa was like, “I can give you thirty seconds.”

The main challenge this week is a Cheer-Off. Perhaps the most physical activity for these girls, because it’s so completely unexpected. They’ve done underwater photoshoots, trampoline photoshoots, intense dance competitions—but never…sports. Nina, as the Miss Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent, is one team captain and CuCu is the other.

Nina does something that’s either shady or nice, and that’s purposefully pick Jaymes for her team and calling Jaymes an “underdog.” While I agree that Jaymes being the last chosen would’ve probably crushed her, that’s some deep psychological shit to call someone else the underdog. Touché, Nina. So left last is Valentina.

Now, when a queen is left picked for last, and she’s not pathetic, it usually implies a victory edit. Violet Chachki was constantly picked last (that might’ve been because of her odor) but she always ended up killing it. So it’s no surprise that Valentina is picked last. She’s young, coiffed and seemingly too nice.

Team Nina sets up Jaymes versus Alexis. Alexis is so hot as a boy that I literally gaspED when I saw her bald spot. But love is blind, and so am I. Jaymes and Alexis switch roles back and forth between Snoozy and Floozy, in a classic “going home” trope. It’s almost always that the queen on the bottom chooses wrongly and pays the price. Or they completely slay. Either or. One thing that I will say, mind games aside, is that the queens really make an effort (here and on Untucked) to give Jaymes a voice. Whether or not she takes that voice is up to her, but they’re making a definite effort.

On a side note, I could listen to Cynthia say anything. Even when she says, “It’s time for rehearsal” as they step onto the gymnastics mat—it’s funny. Because everything she says is like she’s reading it off a teleprompter in a wind storm. IT’S TIME FOR REHEARSAL.

The queens are, like, actually doing gymnastics. Not just your average tumbles, bitch, but real shit. They have to do cartwheels and full, standing pyramid formations. The instructor is so hot and his name is Dom—during the commercial break, the crew has to mop up the mats.

Kimora’s over it before the activity begins—which, like, is such a pet peeve. This is season 9, you understand what this show is about. It pushes you out of your comfort zone and into weird, unprecedented situations. And if you’re not ready for that, then you’re not here to win. So when Valentina takes being picked last, takes the discomfort and runs with it, I was here for her.

Source: Logo TV

Before, her niceness was cloying, until I realized that she’s just uncrackable. And that, I think more than anything, is what the other girls realize (even on a subconscious level) and resent. She’s being nice because she has no reason not to be, and being nice isn’t a distraction for her. I also finally figured out, after seeing her glaringly smile, who Valentina reminds me of in her testimonial—Audrey Hepburn. The black turtleneck against the dainty features and the wide brows, she’s totally Audrey. (S)he really is stunning, in and out of drag.

Someone else I totally enjoyed that I didn’t think I would was Trinity. I clocked her as a dumb one-hit pageant queen, but she’s totally great TV. I know her runway wasn’t particularly well-received, but I felt like it was one of the most distinctive out of all the queens, and she really committed to the gymnastics.

As they’re getting ready, the queens do their “sob stories” which is a mean way to put it but I can’t think of another descriptor. Peppermint talks about being a cheerleader in high school, and getting physically assaulted for it. It’s an uncomfortable reality for many LGBTQ people, and something that particularly queer people in sports have to deal with a lot, but it’s great that she’s talking about it. Cynthia talks about being in remission and getting a new lease on life. It’s something that resonates particularly with Sasha, who we learned from her Carpool Karaoke has a mother who had cancer, and the moment ends with a group hug.

During the performances, Valentina shines like a star and Jaymes quickly burns out. Shea was funny and dymanic and totally pulled my eyes to her; she’s doing backflips and splits. Eureka does a fucking SPLIT and talks about how her knee popped but she kept going. I love her!

Source: Logo TV

On the runway, the theme is “White Party.” Funny—the Trump administration has that same theme!

My standouts are Charlie Hides, in a frosty, furry ice queen look; Jaymes Mansfield in a voluptuous mistress with the mink look; Valentina in an absolutely breath-taking bridal gown; and Shea Coulee in a Barbarella-robotic look with some gorgeous fluffy hair. Honorable mentions are my thicc queen Eureka in a Dynasty look and Sasha in a weird, graphic, hot lady at the art gallery look.

And completely deserved, Valentina wins. Her cheer routine was bright and energetic and memorable, and her look was a complete 10/10.

Source: Logo TV

Charlie, Jaymes and Kimora are in the bottom three, and Jaymes and Kimora are chosen to lip-sync. Now, I’ll be honest, I truly believe that Jaymes gave a better lip-sync performance (to the B-52’s “Love Shack”) because Kimora was so lackluster with her energy levels. However, looking back on it, I do understand that overall, Kimora has shown more potential than Jaymes. I just hope that Kimora proves that she deserves to be saved.

But I can’t help but feel sad. There’s a quality to Jaymes that reminds me of Marilyn Monroe: this baby-doll sadness. And Michelle was right to point out that her padding is impeccable. She really does harken back to a very specific age, without being trite or vague like other queens might. However, if there was ever a better moment in time to be the first one eliminated, it is now: the universe and popularity of RPDR are well-established, Jaymes got a sympathetic edit and two episodes to connect with the audience. If he plays his cards right, he will up his YouTube game and endear himself to the people. This doesn’t have to be the end for him.

So we say goodbye to Miss Mansfield, and we’re left with 13 queens.

See you next week for…I forget what because the promo for episode 3 was basically just a promo for Wendy Williams.

STRAY OBSERGAYTIONS

Did they give the B-52’s a single piano bench? Because they’re clustered together on the judges’ table like a bunch of Muppets.
We didn’t get to see a lot of Sasha or Nina this episode (beyond Nina being one team captain) but Sasha’s White runway look was graphic and beautiful, and Nina’s runway look was like an amped-up version of whatever Dax Exclamation-Point would’ve worn.
I’m beginning to warm to Farrah; she’s an idiot but she’s cute
Charlie Hides, in Untucked, alludes to a very real problem in the gay community: ageism. He knows that in the past, older queens are typically the first to go home and aren’t always taken seriously. But taking age out of the equation completely, Charlie Hides is incredibly formidable, and her runway look was probably my favorite. It was beautiful, played off her assets and memorable. Taking age back into the equation makes her all the more impressive.
“My cucu is just shaking right now.”

The Wunderkindof

Too good-looking to be this funny. Politics. Pop Culture. Millennial Ramblings.

Tag Archives: valentina

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SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT

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FINAL THOTS/STRAY OBSERGAYTIONS:

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STRAY OBSERGAYTIONS