The Kardashian-Jenner sisters released their holiday gift guides for this Christmas, and as per usual, the items on their lists are reasonably priced, spare necessities. The lists contained a healthy amount of product placement—Khloé’s book was on the list, as were a $1000 duffel bag from Kanye’s Adidas line and Rob’s socks from his Arthur George line. But it reminded me that I need to buy Christmas presents. It also reminded me that I’m terrible at buying Christmas presents.

I have good intentions—I don’t know who deliberately going into the present-buying process with bad intentions, unless you have your nemesis as your Secret Santa, which begets other questions such as “What are you going to get him?” and “Why are you in a friend circle with a nemesis?” and “Was there a cash limit?”—but I’m just not good at buying presents. I can’t do that, “Get them something they want, but wouldn’t buy for themselves” rule. I do the “I want to get this for them because it’s what I would want” rule, which ends with me just buying a present I want and leaving clawmarks on the wrapping paper when I give it to the recipient.

Usually—to be frank—I don’t buy Christmas presents. I usually just chip in on a bigger gift, or bully someone into helping me. But this year, partially because I got into the holiday season so early, I actually want to get presents for people. But it’s so difficult to put yourself in the mindset of someone else, and separate your wants for them from their actual wants. It seems like it’s very selfless, and I’m very selfish.

Also, I find it interesting the whole process of picking out your own presents. When I was a kid, I would give detailed descriptions of what kinds of various thermal shirts I wanted that year, or which particular shade of khakis I needed. Now, I just send links. Is that shady to just send links of what I want? Should I leave more mystery? I feel like giving a plethora of options via link is nice, because it takes the pressure off, and also allows the giver to get you something you’re guaranteed to like, and it’s not as impersonal as a gift card.

What was on your Christmas list for this holiday season? Are you one of those people who just wants “quality time” with their family? Or even worse, you “don’t want presents?” That’s a lie. We all know that that’s a lie. Everyone wants something; even if it’s a bobble-head. One year, I got a set of dinosaur toys. But I was, like, twelve, so it’s very unclear as to what my parents though I would do with those dinosaur toys.

And Christmas is when I got an iPod Nano, which was the beginning of me accidentally putting my sister’s music on my music library. And then I upgraded to the iPod Classic, which I just used as a miniature TV and purchased approximately 90% of the episodes of The Office.

Omg, this has been not amazing, but I promise I’ll actually put in effort for my posts. I’m going to say, “It’s just hard because it’s finals week and I’m trying to eke out the rest of my London experience,” but we all know it’s because I was watching holiday episodes of 30 Rock and took a three-hour-long nap. So let’s not lie to each other. Let’s not do this.

HAPPY HOLIDANNYS!